I have been writing LTJs (Letters to Jabari) since my amazing child was a toddler. Here’s one I wrote on September 21st 2016. Wacha I’ll tell you why I’m bringing this up.
LTJ Pier ang’uen gi gimoro
Nyathina,
yesterday, while we were driving home from school, there were three young African American teens that were walking and bouncing a basketball.
you watched them and then said, "it's been long since i saw teenagers hanging out like this"
as they crossed the road, you said, "good thing that they are not in a place where they will be shot”
That really bothered me. For that to be your reality, it's really sad. With my experience growing up in a space where i did not question my freedom, I can't even begin to understand how that can be. To live in a world where being black is risky. And the darker the hue, the worse it is.
My prayer to God is that on top of every effort I make to help you live in your skin freely, that he will add extra protection and care that will boost your esteem to still walk with your head high. Like your great ancestors.
May our ancestors take every step you take. protecting you, guiding you, validating your wholeness and praying for you.
I love you.
Mama.
A little background about me. I was born and raised by the same intelligence that created Thim Lich Ohinga. The history behind this amazing stone-built ruin is as complex as the inhabitants of East Africa. Even with all the complexities and challenges that came with all the burdening social changes, the double consciousness that WEB DuBois described was such a foreign concept to me…to us Africans, well most of us.
“[T]he Negro is a sort of seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted with second-sight in this American world,—a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness,—an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.”
— WEB DuBois
I never really understood this dark side of America until one day (when he was still in elementary school) my son and I were rushing from one store to another. I urged him to run with me. He requested that we shouldn’t run because we may be ‘suspected of stealing’. Wah!!! This still makes my heart drop. I commanded him to never walk or talk based on what someone else might think. ‘If you are in a hurry, kwani!?!, you are in a hurry. Case baadaye.’ But deep down I knew my words were not enough to assure him of his freedom. At that moment I realized that I was dealing with an invisible monster. This invisible monster is the bias that America is often too afraid to call out. But, it shows up in our education system, our judicial system and healthcare system. Halafu, somehow everyone seems to agree that there is racism, BUT “we are not a racist country” …yaani…racism without racists….how now?!?
I call bullchieth on that.
Because of these “invisible racists”, I made a conscious decision to work towards creating safe spaces for him and others like him whenever I could because I still cannot get myself to say “work twice as hard as other people”; he is on his own sovereign level like all of us. I cannot get myself to say “that’s how it is my dear black child”, I’m not dead and there are great people that make up his village that will work hard to protect him. I cannot get myself to say “expect racism”; he deserves better. Every being deserves freedom and abundance.
I’ve decided that heaven is supposed to be HERE on earth, while we are still alive.
I too dream of a paradise…hapa hapa…right here on earth
In his book, Just Mercy, Bryan Stevenson shares so many stories that teach us about “our system’s disturbing indifference to inaccurate or unreliable verdicts, our comfort with bias and our tolerance of unfair prosecutions and convictions”
“The racial terrorism of lynchings in many ways created the modern death penalty. America's embrace of speedy executions was, in part, an attempt to redirect the violent energies of lynching while ensuring white southerners that Black men would still pay the ultimate price.”
I started this blog after the murder of Ahmaud Arbery…for some reason I couldn’t finish it. My soul was tired so I stepped away….then today I heard the cry of George Floyd as that murderer had his knee on his neck….and now my spirit won’t let me sleep. I have to ask.
Here’s my ask.
I would like us to consider examining the racist DNA of this country we call home. We should do more than call out individuals, we should do more than prosecute these murderers. We should examine the toxins that create this filth we are letting our children marinate in. We should examine this indifference and/or comfort with bias.
For just a moment, let us forget the obvious terrorists that are killing black bodies. Let’s shift our conversation to the psyche of those that America honors and/or respect; those that are in charge:
D. Trump - “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?” (He later denied having said this.)
Thomas Jefferson - “..I advance it therefore as a suspicion only, that the blacks, whether originally a distinct race, or made distinct by time and circumstances, are inferior to the whites in the endowments both of body and mind…” (Jefferson's Notes on the State of Virginia)
In between these two, there are countless racists views held by people that held/hold important positions in our society.
A few years ago, I stumbled upon a rumbling (he thought he was giving a lecture) by one Eugene Valberg who, in his shallow understanding of African languages, successfully convinced his audience that the African mind is inferior, lacking self control, and lacked moral consciousness. My primary school teachers used to say ‘empty debes make the most noise’. They were right. Problem is, in that room there were people who are in our children’s spaces agreeing and seeking council from this debe.
Such distorted views of our black bodies don’t just create terrorists, they kill our people. These views are held by more people than we want to admit. Kikulacho ki nguoni mwako.
My fellow African mothers, fathers, uncles, aunties…let’s join our African American family in finding the root of this weed that is slowly choking us. We can pull it out together. In the meantime, support and fight for only spaces that feel right for your child.
To our white allies, don’t give up. Keep speaking up.
Our children need to be seen before their souls decay in their black bodies…otherwise they will always live by trying to prove their worth. They deserve so much better.
I’ll stop here…it’s almost 3am and my head hurts.
Curating spaces ideal for him to thrive